From the moment that he came into our lives, we knew we had an imp on our hands. Woo seemed to want to play a trick on you, make you laugh, or get you riled up from an early age. I’ll never forget the first time that I became aware that he was a trickster. He was six or seven months old, and had just woken from a nap. I was listening to his happy babbles on the baby monitor in the kitchen, when I noticed that they had changed from babbles to a new pattern. I would hear some rustling of his blankets, followed by a few seconds of silence, then he would say “HEE HEE HEE”, and giggle. He repeated this a few times until I got curious enough to check it out.
I snuck up the stairs and opened his door. He had been sleeping in a lounger on the floor and was facing the door. When I quietly opened the door, his blanket was over his head and he was perfectly still. He gave the “HEE HEE HEE”, giggled, and shot his arms up in the air to pull the blanket off his head. He then gathered the blanket up, covered his head again and grew still one more time before going through the routine again. After I watched a couple more times, I snuck in and said “where’s Woo?” at just the right moment. He paused and then carried through his routine, but when he pulled the blanket off this time he looked so pleased with himself.
This was the first sign he might be a bit of a troublemaker. It’s continued as he has grown, and most of the time he is trying to get a laugh. Once he does, he can’t stop trying for more laughs. It is generally pretty cute, but occasionally gets out of hand. Like after a few weeks of school last year when every parent that we met made comments like “oh, so THIS is the famous Woo” or “so YOU are Woo’s parents, we have heard so much about him!” He settled down after a couple of weeks, but I often wondered what we weren’t hearing about, and when it would start to get out of hand.
I was certain that he was going to grow into the class clown and that we would have many, many calls to pick him up from the principal’s office for this behavior. I was wrong. The lils met me at the gate one day last week, and Goose reported that Woo had hit her. I tried to get to the bottom of it, but neither were really clear on how it happened, if a teacher had been notified, or if he had been punished. I figured that I would try again later and we headed home for snack. As I was unpacking his back, I got to the bottom of the story. It was there that I found a note.
The note had clearly been read by Woo, as it was ripped in half. It told how Woo had been naughty at school and had to be sent to the principal’s office and miss the majority of his recess as punishment. It seems that he didn’t just hit his sister, he did it with a shovel! This was not the impression that I thought he would be leaving, just two short weeks into school at the age of five! His teacher did acknowledge that it was out of character and he had clearly been punished for his actions, so we talked through the behaviour and why we never take out our frustrations by hitting. He seems to have gotten the message, and we haven’t had any incidents since. I am hoping that there will be no next note, or the dreaded call from another child’s parents, but I fear that hope is in vain. Perhaps this is why you don’t put siblings in the same class?!
We have all gotten them. Back in the day, they came by postal mail, and asked that you write out the letter and send it to some random number of people to either ensure world peace, or prevent eternal damnation. Sometimes there was a list of people that HAD participated, and you were supposed to add your name to the bottom when you sent out your copies. I never forwarded any of them on, which likely explains why there are still wars in the world and the fact that I am going to hell. Still, I don’t forward the emails that these letters eventually became, and I can’t be bothered to update my status with whatever is going around to raise awareness for various causes. I am clearly going to hell.
As we were getting the lils ready for bed tonight, our doorbell rang. It was odd because it never gets rung, unless we are expecting guests; and the front of our house was completely dark. I was reading to Goose, but curious enough to answer it. When I flipped on the light and opened the door I saw no one. Kids, I thought, and was about to close the door when I looked down and saw a brown paper bag on the edge of the porch. I reached for it, then hesitated, as you never know what is in a brown paper bag that is left, in the dark, on your porch, about a week before Hallowe’en. I sniffed and noted that it was not flaming, so I picked it up and brought it inside.
Once I was inside, I noticed that “Happy Hallowe’en” had been written on the bag.
I turned it over and saw this (you can read it if you enlarge the picture).
The Coles notes version of the text is that the bag is filled with candy. The recipient is supposed to keep the candy, but fill five more bags, drop them on their neighbours porches and dash before being seen – they are “ghost” deliveries of candy. My heart sunk a little as I ready this. A chain letter. A Hallowe’en chain letter that comes with candy. I love Hallowe’en, I really do, but I can’t do this, because I hate chain letters. Not everyone loves holidays that I love, not everyone shares the same beliefs, not everyone believes that a letter will bring world peace. There is no obvious agenda here and no goal other than sharing a little candy, but deep down, it is still a chain letter.
I’ll eat the candy though.
I found our pediatrician when I was expecting Woo. Finding someone was not an easy task, largely because I didn’t have a family doctor to refer us and there were very few doctors in Ottawa who were actually taking patients. She was the first that said yes and I signed up without a second thought. I knew something was off during our first visit when we felt we were rushed, and our very valid, brand spanking new parent questions and concerns were brushed aside in an apparent effort to get us through the appointment within our allotted time. I should have just trusted my gut.
Over the five plus years that we have taken our children to see this doctor, I have grown increasingly frustrated by her bedside manner and the way that she has treated our family in general. It seems that every time either of us leaves her office we have yet another story to tell. In our tenure with her she has: told us to book a second appointment time if we have questions to ask; minimized my concerns about my child’s development; told me that one of my children’s behaviour was “just strange” when I asked about it; told me that my four month old was OBESE; gotten mad at me for not calling her when Woo and I fell down the stairs and he fractured his skull; doubted that my children could speak when I told her how much and how early they were talking (possibly because they were too scared to talk in her presence); shushed my infant who was happily babbling; scared both of my children by ripping their shirts up and jamming a cold stethoscope on their back, then getting mad at them because she could not hear when they were crying… I could (and have been known to) go on. We have stuck with her, though, partially because it is still hard to find a pediatrician in Ottawa, and because it seems that every time that I get irked enough to just stop bringing the lils to her we have a good visit; where she is caring, attentive, and charming with the littles. Normal even.
There have been two instances where I absolutely should have switched from her, but didn’t. Yet. The first was when Woo had peanuts for the first time. He was two, and we gave him peanut butter on a cracker. He loved it, but his body did NOT. He started coughing, having trouble breathing, swelling, hives, all the classic signs of a reaction. We rushed him to the hospital, where they confirmed that it was an anaphylactic reaction. They treated and advised that we avoid all nuts and see his doctor for a referral to an allergist as soon as possible. I made an appointment the next day, and she did not believe that the reaction was allergic/anaphylaxis and didn’t want to refer him to an allergist. She thought it was VIRAL. I insisted, and we were referred. Our allergist was quite ticked when he got the referral, on which she had written a snarky little note saying the referral was being made “only because the mother insisted.” It was a classic case of anaphylaxis, and Woo has quite a serious peanut allergy. We should have switched.
The second, and last time that she has really ticked me off, was during our visit last week. I had the lils in for a post-India check-up, and was meeting with her about Woo. Early in the visit she made some remark about him being four and a half, so I politely corrected her because he is five and a half. She questioned me, in an “are you sure” kind of way, and then CHECKED THE FILE to verify his age. Cleary I wouldn’t know how old he is. We moved on, and I mentioned that he was still experiencing constipation, sometimes for prolonged periods. She immediately told me that this must be behavioural, given that it had just started. I explained that it was not always severe, but that this was something that he had been experiencing from the time that he was not yet two. At this point she started flipping through his file, reading his history. When she was finished, she looked at me and told me that he did not have a history of constipation, as she had no note of it in the file!
I was livid, but Woo was in the room with me, so I managed to keep my cool. I hate the insinuation that she knew my child’s history best, based on four pages of notes that cover the last four five years of his life. The bottom line is that we know it is not a new “behaviour”, we are both certain that it has been mentioned at each and every check-up type appointment that he has had, and at some point the doctor needs to believe what the parents are telling them. She set up a follow-up appointment, but I have since cancelled it because of a conflict. I hope that I don’t have to rebook it with her. So, anyone know of a GREAT pediatrician** who can take on two more low maintenance lils?
** EDIT – We are looking for a doctor – family doc or pediatrician! 🙂
One of my earliest memories of defying my parents always happened under the cover of darkness. I used to lie in bed and secretly listen to the Montréal Canadiens broadcasts on my radio, long after I was supposed to be asleep. i never got caught, but growing up in a family of hockey fans, maybe I did… I was a diehard Habs fan for a long time, until Ottawa got the Senators and I became a season ticket holder. Hockey was a big part of my life growing up, so it is no surprise that it still is now.
The lils have grown up with hockey in their lives. The first time we left Woo alone with a sitter was to go to a Sens game in the spring of 2007, something that was repeated many times that spring. Hockey is pretty much the only thing that they have been allowed to watch on TV for their whole lives, including this past year in India, when Woo and Goose often got up, on their own, in the pre-dawn hours to watch the playoffs with me. In addition to watching on TV, they have both spent many an afternoon watching their Daddy play with his beer league team, and have been given all the pieces needed for many a game of living room, and then basement hockey (this change was necessitated when Woo decided to start using a real puck and learned to raise said puck). We were gifted with several full sets of ice and road hockey gear, so both lils happily play in the basement, suited up, for hours.
The winter before we moved to India was the first that Woo was really skating, on real skates. He loved it, and begged and pleaded with us to go to the local rink EVERY DAY. We went as a family occasionally, but more often than not it was just Woo and Willy, skating, shooting pucks, goofing around. He was so sad the day that the rink closed for the season, but had big plans for the following winter. Those skates turned into roller blades when we moved to India, and he loved it ALMOST as much. One of the things that we all missed was winter, and as soon as we knew that we were coming home, Woo started talking about skating.
Still I hesitated to enrol him in hockey upon our return. I didn’t want to be the parent that forced their lil to play a sport that they never played/played well, and I wanted to make sure that I was putting him in it because he liked it, not because I liked the idea of it. It was a visit with friends, just days after getting home that convinced me to give it a try. Their daughter is the same age and starting out this year, and she is loving it. We wanted to let him have a chance to see if he felt the same. We found a spot for him and filled him in on the plan. He was hesitant when he heard that his dad wasn’t going to be on the ice with him, but it took mere minutes (and a trip to Canadian Tire for a new stick etc) to get him excited.
His first practice was this past Saturday at 7:00 AM. Willy took him, despite fighting jetlag. All of my fears melted away when he walked in the door and told me that it had been “good, great, awesome, awesome, AWESOME!!!!” He was hooked, in one short hour. Sunday afternoon, he and Willy headed to the closest rink for public skating and spent the better part of two hours on the ice. He came home happy and excited to go again. I can’t wait for the ice to be put in in the park so that we can go every day after school. Time for Goose and I to get new skates, and maybe, just maybe, time for me to start to play hockey again.
The lils were placed in a small daycare when they were pretty little. They were lucky and stayed with the same group of friends for the entire time that they were there. These lils all got along really well, and we were all pretty sad when we broke up the group to move to India. Over the course of the year that we were gone, the other three all started school and moved on.
While in India we were able to keep in touch with the friends via skype. These calls were quite scattered and chaotic, but they kept the bond intact between the children. Playdates during our home visit were fabulous, with everyone just falling back into that comfortable rhythm they had had before. It was during this visit that we learned two of the friends would be going to the lil’s school this fall and we were excited to think that they may be in the same classes.
I contacted the school in the weeks leading up to our arrival with a few administrative questions, and to make a request that our lils be placed in their friend’s classes, if that was possible. I did so because I know that it is hard to join during the school year, even for children in JK and SK. We would also be coming from India, so I was worried about culture shock too, and thought that friends would help. Before I sent the email, I debated if I should. The fact that they were quite lonely and had a hard time making friends when we arrived in India convinced me that I should try to help if I could. The school agreed, said they would accommodate if class sizes allowed it.
The day before they started school, we met the teachers and learned that Woo and Goose would not be in the same class as their friends, but that they would be together in a JK/SK split. All were disappointed, but we knew they would see each other often and I hoped that would help. Woo and Goose were happy to be together, and a little nervous about the new school.
All of the nervousness melted away when we arrived on Wednesday morning. Their friend A was waiting for them, and happily took them around, showing them the ropes; what door to go in, where to put their bags, and where her class was relative to their class. When the tour was finished, she tracked down her teacher to introduce them, and then started introducing all of her friends. They were laughing and playing happily within seconds, and barely noticed that I left. It was the perfect entry to their new school and she put them at ease right away. I am so glad that she was there for them.
Woo, A, and Goose right before the school day started (yes, Goose was happier than she looks!)
Our lils, like many smalls that I know, have adopted a little bit of a Jekyll and Hyde performance when it comes to their behaviour. They frequently save their absolute best behaviour for when they are in public or away from us, and their absolute worst for the times they are home with us. The line has blurred somewhat in the last year, as they have tried to cope with the changes we have thrown at them.
We know that they are well behaved, kind, caring children. Their behaviour is not unlike that of many of their friends. It’s better than what we see it to be, and not quite where we want it to be. Yes, they both have traits that drive me a little crazy (and yes, they both inherited those same traits from me), but those are easily surpassed by all the good.
This past year has marked the first time that I have been exposed to children whose behavior caused me to raise an eyebrow. I’m not talking about the occasional acting out that every child does, I am talking about consistent patterns of behaviour that demonstrate that the child is likely to be labelled a “behavioral challenge” in school for many years to come. Things like the little boy who tried to hold Woo’s head underwater in the community pool one day. Incidents like this have been rare, and have helped to reaffirm that our lils are pretty good eggs.
I often wonder if others see what I see, and note that some children get away with far too much, or that their parents don’t seem to be aware of their bad behaviour. Recently, our cook Lakshmi told me of a trip to the park that she took with Woo. The two of them were happily playing, when one of these boys came along to play with them. He seemed to want to be involved, but wouldn’t share or listen, and was disrupting the play despite the best efforts of Lakshmi and Woo. Finally they separated, but not enforce the boy’s mom came to Lakshmi to ask how she got him to listen and play nicely. “It’s because he’s a good boy”, she responded. I am not sure if the mom caught the implication, but I did, and was relieved to know that at least one other person saw what I saw.
The lils have grown up with at least one camera jammed in their faces on a regular basis, and although they have recently developed and aversion to having their picture taken, they are still delighted to see the results. They would spend hours just watching the images on my computer scroll in a slideshow if I let them, and frequently ask to see the pictures that I have taken at a specific time, or on a recent trip.
Woo received a “toy” camera for Christmas when he was two. He loved to take pictures with it, but we often failed to download the pictures before the battery died. When Woo was almost four, we gave him his first “real” camera. It was my old digital point and shoot, which lay mostly unused; save for when I was going diving (I have an underwater housing for it). He was delighted, a became a very serious photographer:
The camera moved to India with us, but sadly, it was the first casualty of the marble floors in our house. He was doing some self-portraits, and in the rush to get in front of the lens before the timer went off, tripped over the tripod legs. The camera landed on the lens, and it was toast. Woo was crushed. Willy and I secretly hatched a plan to buy a replacement on eBay and have it delivered to Ottawa for our visit this past May. He was still keenly interested, and frequently directed me to take pictures of this or composed the shots that I NEEDED to take.
Under careful supervision, Willy started letting Woo use his DSLR in the spring. He seemed to like it very much, even though he was not used to needing to put his eye to the viewfinder to see the shot. They occasionally went on photowalks in the neighbourhood, but he was happiest to take pictures of his sister. His interest died down when he got the replacement camera, as he could use it all the time. His usage of Willy`s camera was heavily supervised.
A few weeks ago we went to Mysore, and Goose decided that SHE wanted to take pictures now too, and Willy`s camera and then his cellphone camera became hot commodities (I don`t share). The camera strap had to be modified for Goose`s tiny frame, but she too began wandering around, snapping like mad.
Yes, there were lots of shots of the ground, but they each took some pretty cute shots!
Goose’s Shots
I had to crouch to get in the frame 🙂
Working on focussing on the subject
Woo in front of the temple
Woo’s Shots
Hiding from the sun
This is what happens when you try to take a picture of Woo now!
Our driver, Subbu, was very amused by the two lil paparazzi
Talking a picture of me, as I took the picture of him above
I am so looking forward to fostering this in both lils!
After being miserable for the first few months, Woo began to let himself have fun. He still missed home, and mentioned it every day, but the fun was winning. He went on like this for a few months, and then we went back to Canada for a visit. I was worried that he would not want to come back, and sure enough, he made that very claim many times in the last few days before we left. Then, while we were in Canada, he got excited to return to India. He missed our house, our friends, and the life we have built here. The last few months have been the best of our time abroad. We are all really settled, especially the lils. I haven’t heard Woo ask to go home in a long time.
We are now entering our last month, and it seems a little bit of him wants to stay. He hasn’t come out and said these words, but his reactions and actions tell me that he is definitely torn. He is starting to realize that we will be missing things that we enjoyed over the last year and talks longingly of return trips to places that we all know we won’t have time to return to. He has recently started making statements that start “when we move back to India”; plans for adventures that we have not yet taken.
It was never clearer than one morning last week, when one of the staff at the school asked me about our departure date. They had been discussing the school’s winter performance, and had a part in mind for Lucas. They thought he would be a good fit to narrate the performance, because he is doing so well in his reading. He was with me as I explained that we will be in Ottawa then and would not be able to participate. As we walked up the stairs together he looked up at me and said, “Can we come back, mom??”
No, we can’t. In some ways, we all feel a little bit like this. It’s hard on all of us, thinking of leaving the life that we have created here. We are just now all in a really good place at the same time, and really enjoying all we have here. It figures that it takes the thought of going home to make us all fully appreciate.