Before we moved to India, I did a fair amount of research about life in India, particularly Bangalore. I found a few great resources applicable to our situation online. My favourite of these was the the expat section on the India Mike site (http://www.indiamike.com). It provided a wealth of hints and tips about what to expect, where to shop, what to bring and not to bring, and life in Bangalore.
I was a little surprised to see, as a recurring theme across several sites, references to the public toilets and how terrible they were. I didn’t expect five star washrooms at every turn, but surely they couldn’t be so bad?? I tried not to let this build up in my head, but I will admit to being nervous the first few times I used public toilets. It quickly became clear that they weren’t that bad at all. Most were old and a little run down, many lack toilet paper, and some could use a little more effort by the cleaners, but almost all were acceptable. They are toilets after all. Some of them are the Indian style (squat) toilet, but if you can pee in the bush, you are just fine with them. Goose actually prefers to use these!
The one exception to this has proven to be some of the washrooms found in a couple of our favourite places to visit; the Nandi hills, the zoo, some of the parks/botanical gardens in Bangalore. Oddly enough, these are among the few toilets that you have to pay to use. I gather they get over used, and as a result are pretty nasty. We only use them if we really have too, but with two little people, that is pretty frequent.
The flip side of these mostly plain and serviceable toilets, is that you really appreciate it when you find a nice one. I am happy to report that I have found the nicest washroom in Bangalore! It is shiny and new, all the tiles are fresh and not cracked, the hardware is shiny, it’s spacious…They have lovely towels, the lighting is just right and there is always toilet paper AND soap. The first time that Goose used it, she stood in awe, saying only “it’s so pretty”. It happens to be in one of the only non-Indian restaurants we frequent, so we don’t go often. I appreciate it all the more when we go. And go.
We were driving along yesterday and Woo and Goose were talking about their futures. We’ve known for a while that they had decided who they were going to marry, as they have told us on numerous occasions. When we lived in Ottawa they were in a wonderful daycare with four other friends. Woo and Goose paired every one off, so that Woo’s best friend C would marry L, Goose would marry L’s brother R, and Woo would marry his other best friend A.
I am not sure if any of the other lils were made aware of these plans, but I know that A is on board. She and Woo played the marriage game often, and apparently made some preliminary plans. Both independently told their parents that the wedding would take place at the Museum of Nature in Ottawa. It’s not surprising, given that it is Woo’s favourite place.
It appears that the distance has not put a damper Woo’s affections. I am not sure if A has been kept in the loop, but Woo has apparently had some time to make more plans. He made me aware of those plans on this drive. It seems that he and A will live in the country, and raise sheep. The sheep will be protected from the wolves with a bow and arrow. Woo is going to work as a carpenter, and while he is working, A will get lamb meat for them to eat. He is pretty sure that she is non-veg, but will ask her the next time they Skype. They’ll have four children. While I can’t wait to see where this goes next, I think we need to talk a little bit more about what A might want…
My christmas vacation was shittier than your christmas vacation
willy and I have been unbelievably lucky when it comes to vacations. The “worst” weather that we ever had on a trip was when we were in Jamaica in January of 2010 and it rained for a bit and was overcast for a few days. Being the pale people that we are, we were really OK with that. For the most part, we have had record-breakingly fabulous weather. We know that we have been very lucky, and often joke about the “terrible” weather that we get. You know those days, the ones without a cloud in the sky, a cool breeze coming off the water, a nice shady place to lie and watch the world go by.
We decided to go to the beach for the week after Christmas, to see a new part of India, and to have some downtime with the family. we originally looked at going to Goa, but found it to be cost prohibitive, due to the fact that it is a destination spot for many travellers, and the prices greatly increase over the Christmas holidays. One of Willy’s colleagues suggested that Puducherry would also be very nice, so we consulted Grandma and Uncle D, and decided it fit the bill. We found a resort that looked lovely and booked ourselves in.
while we had originally planned on flying, it worked out that it was about the same travel time to drive from Bangalore, and our driver Subbu was willing to take us. We set off on Boxing day for the long drive, and got to see much of the Indian countryside that we would have otherwise missed. While the drive was long and tiring, it was worth it. We were happy to arrive at the resort, and pleased that it delivered on what it promised. Ocean views; lovely open air common spaces; young, but lush gardens; and a calmness and openness that we just don’t get in Bangalore. Our room even had a lovely private pool!
The week got off to a pretty rocky start. Woo was sick, running a high temp for the first two and a days. He was out of sorts and not eating or sleeping well. Goose was doing ok, but sleeping with us, and delivering a higher than expected number of kidney and groin kicks. The resort was very nice, but had some service issues, and the food was less than the spectacular I have come to expect in India. We got eaten alive by mosquitoes in the room the first night. Things we starting to look up as the week progressed. We had a fabulous day in Puducherry, exploring. The weather had cleared up and the sun was shining. The seas were providing wonderful waves that we fun to watch – each more spectacular than the last. Then I caught a tweet on an Indian news service that I follow, mentioning a cyclone that was expected to make landfall near Cuddalore. Cuddalore is a town that was about 10km south of where we were staying. I let Willy, Grandma, and Uncle D know, and started following the news a little more closely.
Thursday was a grey and windy day, and it started raining in the early afternoon. We weren’t sure what to expect, but this picture made it clear that we were in for some nasty weather:
The day just passed. No one at the resort seemed to be worried, and there was no talk of “battening down the hatches” or any such thing. We noted the the seas had become violent, and the hotel closed the beach early.
The lils and I had a very windy supper in the open restaurant before Willy, his mum, and brother went out to dinner and saw Uncle D off on his cross India adventure at the bus station. Willy returned to the room a little after nine and reported that it was windy and rainy, but little had changed over the evening. We packed up and tried to tidy as much as we coould inside and out, moving most of our belongings inside, putting all of our valuables off the ground, and locking the large glass doors to the room and outdoor bathroom as best as we could. We went to bed not knowing what to expect.
I awoke a little after two to the howling wind and periodic banging of the wooden door between the bathroom and pool area. Willy awoke shortly after me, and actually went outside to close the door! I was content to let it bang away, but it bothered him enough to go out in the raging wind and re-latch. We both lay in the dark listening to the storm intensify. The door came open several more times, and each time he ventured back out to latch it. On the second or third trip he reported that the loud noise I had heard while he was outside was part of the bathroom’s roof being ripped off.
Goose woke shortly after three, and was very curious about the noises outside the room. I explained that the big storm was blowing things around, and damaging things. She was at first worried about where her toothbrush might be in the morning, but I assured her that we would find it. Placated, she started to identify the sounds and gave a play-by-play of what was happening right outside the room. “Oh, that was our milk glass breaking”, she calmly whispered, “oops, there goes more of the bathroom roof”. She calmly watched as Willy went outside one more time to secure the latch, and as he and I moved a large wooden cabinet in front of the glass door to the bathroom that was taking the brunt of the wind.
Then Goose whispered the four words that you don’t want to hear at four in the morning as a cyclone rages overhead, “I need to pee“. Our bathroom was outside and getting hit, so that wasn’t an option. Willy again went out into the storm to get a sand bucket for her to use as a commode, and she settled back to bed, this time asking to sleep between us. She wasn’t scared, just wanted to cuddle. She and Willy drifted off to sleep around five, in the eerie calm as the eye of the storm passed over us. It began to rage on again and I tried to remain calm, but each bang made me jump and tense, certain that the wind was going to blow one of the doors in. This fear intensified when the wind blew some roofing material against the main door. It was a rubber mat that had large metal fasteners attached to it. They banged against the glass loudly and often. I nearly jumped out of my skin each time.
Woo slept blissfully though all of this chaos and noise. He woke around 6:45, later than normal, and ran to the door find out what was going on out there. I leapt out of bed and moved him to the couch. we sat and watched out a window that was sheltered from the wind. He had many questions about the storm, which I answered as best as I could. I continued to watch out the main door, and happened to be watching as the gazebo by our pool collapsed. This brought a rash of new questions, most of which centered on the safety of the lounge chairs under the gazebo, chairs that he had spent many hours playing happily on.
During all of this time we were worried about Willy’s mum, who was in an ocean facing room by herself. We didn’t want to call her on the off chance that she was blissfully unaware, and weren’t able to venture to her room, then finally lost power and thought it was moot. We were pleased and surprised when she called and let us know that she was fine. Her door had blown in pre-dawn, and she had called hotel staff who came and brought her to a safe place. She agreed to check in with us regularly, but was safe and dry.
The morning dragged on slowly. We munched on all the emergency snacks that I was carrying with me, and waited for the storm to slowly weaken. Willy made several trips out and about and reported pretty severe damage to the hotel. We reached Subbu, who had managed to drive to the main road, but could not drive the final 2.5km to where we were. The road to the resort was littered with downed powerlines, trees, branches, and other debris. He was lucky enough to have made it to us at all, given that the car that had been parked beside his overnight was crushed in the storm! We waited and watched, were served some lunch, and finally received word that the road was now passable. We called for Subbu, grabbed our bags, adopted two stranded folks, and headed out. I took a few minutes before we left to take a couple of snaps:
The glass doors to the room
Gazebo down
Mess in the lobby
Pile up
Front lawn
Roof damage
There are more pictures at http://flic.kr/s/aHsjxHRi8D
As we drove down the road, we were shocked by the damage. They had cleared a path that was no wider that the minivan we were driving. There were trees and branches that had fallen across the road every foot or so. Many houses were badly damaged, or outright destroyed. Entire plantations of new and mature trees were flattened. The damage continued as we moved north into Puducherry. As we approached the waterfront we had to drive down streets that were under more than a foot of water. We finally had to stop and let our passengers out a bit short of their alternate accomodation, as the roads were no longer safe to pass. The damage continued far inland on the drive home, as did the rain. The road was slow, but we didn’t mind. We were so glad to be safe, dry, and going home.
Short video shot driving out of Puducherry
The resort we were staying at took a direct hit. Cyclone Thane was classified as a very severe cyclone, the second highest rating. According to reports, it was the equivalent of a strong category two/weak category three hurricane. Current reports identify that 42 people were killed in Puducherry and Cuddalore, and that over 20,000 people are homeless. The damage is shocking, and I can only hope that there will be some sort of relief efforts, and will gladly contribute to whatever I find. We left feeling very lucky to have escaped unscathed. This despite the fact that the hotel was largely unprepared, and did nothing to warn any guests of the storms potential for damage. We are very concerned, as many people were left in a very vulnerable position. We plan to write to their corporate offices to express our feelings.
Grandma and I are going to Kerala next week, so we joked about whether the west coast of India is prone to cyclones. It turns out that the Arabian Sea does get cyclones, so I tried to see the forecast:
See those two white dots to the south west of India? Oy.
It took approximately two months for me to get my mobile activated here. A lot of this was me, not being organized enough to figure out what I needed to do, but there were a number of steps and hoops that we had to go through. The first of these was to get it tweaked so that I could use my Canadian phone here, then to actually get hooked up to a plan.
The most frustrating of this was the “address verification”, where they call on the mobile to arrange a time to come to the house to verify that we lived there. They called a few times, but I either missed the call, or did not understand the person on the other end, as they did not speak english. It took much back and forth between Willy and the provider and the phone getting disconnected once before we had resolution. It is now activated, and for the most part works when we want it*.
I have very few contacts in my phone, just Willy, our driver and the few friends I have made here. I don’t get that many calls, and there is much text and voice spam here, so I generally ignore numbers that I don’t know. Occasionally Willy will tell me that we are expecting a delivery, or that someone will be calling. On those days, I answer everything.
It was one of those days when I got a call from someone who only said “hello”, repeatedly. I assumed that it was a dead spot in the house and he could not hear me, so I answered again when he called later. He still just said hello multiple times. He reached me a third time, and I tried to get more information out of him. I asked if he wanted to speak to me or Willy, if he was coming for work on the villa, if he was calling because our landlord asked him to. This time, he responded to me in what I believed was Hindi. I tried to explain that it was a wrong number several ways and hung up.
He called several more times that day, but I ignored the calls. Then I got this:
I ignored it. He still calls a couple of times a day, I still ignore him.
*Data plans are silly cheap here, and when you are in the right spot, the connection can be lightening fast. Finding that right spot can be difficult tho, especially when you are on the move. You get what you pay for, right?
We have been struggling with early morning wake-ups since we moved here. At first we blamed it on the time difference, and figured that things would go back to normal soon. They didn’t. It must be the light we figured, noting that the curtains in the lils rooms were pretty sheer. We searched and searched for good blackout curtains, but failed to find ones that were thick enough. They’ll get used to it, we thought.
Goose did, for the most part. She still has to combat the early morning visits from woo, but she does ok. Woo, on the other hand, is still waking. Even now that the mornings are short, he still wakes every morning about 5:30. Some days he is great about it, and plays on his own. We are really impressed with how well he does these days. It’s the other days when he wakes some or all of us. It’s getting tiring. Literally.
This week my brother-in-law and mother-in-law helped me figure out just what it was that wakes him. First Uncle D identified that there is loud music playing every day, pre-dawn. I am pretty sure that I have heard it too, but thought nothing of it. Then I hear it later in the day, and my MIL suggests it is the Islamic call to prayer. A quick google search confirms it. We clearly live near a Mosque. There is not much we can do about that.
This lil can sleep through fireworks going off outside his window for hours, but can’t make it through 30 seconds of music. We’re in a hotel today. He was up in the night with a fever, but this morning he woke up at 8:00am. No call to prayer here.
For us, Christmas in India was not a tonne unlike Christmas in Canada. We were awakened by an excited Woo, early in the morning, but not too early. We raced downstairs to open stockings and presents, happy that Santa came. The opening was a marathon, lasting well over two hours. We ate crepes for breakfast, played outside, napped and played some more. Then the feast. For new friends and family, a good time was had by all.
While were decidedly western in out approach to the day, there were a few things that marked it as new and different from our Canadian Christmases. There was no cold or snow. When we played outside, we did so in shorts. While no traditional Indian food was consumed, we ordered in non-veg portion of the dinner, a roast beast, with a side of turkey. It was hot! Sunny and hot. By far the warmest Christmas I have ever experienced.
Christmas is clearly marked here, in an obvious way. Other than in commercial areas, it is also very clearly not a big deal. We did the best to make it a big deal in our house!
Here is a peek at our day:
7:00am Stockings!
8:00 I swear I don’t know how that in got there
9:00 The aftermath
10:00 New Scooter
11:00 Practicing on roller blades
12:00 Not *quite* a thali
1:00 It was a very lego Christmas
2:00 Prep work for risotto, trying not to dirty extra bowls
One of the reasons that we chose to stick with our driver and cancel the purchase of our car was that our driver seems to really want to CARE for our family. He is clearly enamoured with the lils, puts up with Willy and I, is a hard worker, and does his job really well. We’re really lucky that he was referred to us and are confident that we made the right choice.
Grandma and Uncle D are visiting this week, and decided to venture off on their own today. We needed to get some last minute shopping in, so asked Subbu if he could recommend a car/driver for them for the day. Minutes late he let us know that the driver would be at the house at noon, and that he was at their service until 8:00pm. He arrived on schedule, and they set off to explore the city. We had anticipated that they might want to dine out, so let them know that they would likely have to pay thee driver more than the agreed upon rate. We level set as to what the cost might be, not so they could have enough money, but so they knew that it would be a fraction of the fees they would pay at home. They did have a good time, and texted us midday to let us know that they would not be home for dinner.
As we were putting the lils to bed, we got a call from Subbu, letting us know that he had been in touch with the driver, and that Grandma and D were looking for a place to eat. He was going to suggest a place to their driver, but wanted to make sure with us that it was OK. Later in the evening, he called again, to make sure that they got in OK. As luck would have it, they were walking, in the door, so Willy confirmed that they were safe and sound. Subbu also asked if the final cost was OK, and D let Willy know the final cost. There was a bit of discussion, that ended with Willy telling Subbu that the driver was gone now.
It turned out that Subbu thought that they had been overcharged, and had wanted us to let the driver know. We all felt that the rate was fair, but understand that it might have been too much be local standards. We half joked that Subbu would show up with the difference tomorrow, and moved on to other things.
A short while later the phone rang. It was security at the front gate, letting us know that the driver was back. Apparently Subbu had reached him, as he showed up with a refund for Grandma and D! As much as we all felt like the charge was fair, it is really nice to know that Subbu is looking out for us.
This was going to be my wordless wednesday post for this week, but our internet was down for much of the last few days, so I wasn’t able to upload the pictures. It’s late, so I added a few words!
We were invited over to a colleague of Willy’s for an absolutely delicious lunch on Sunday, and had a pleasant time visiting. The lils were very entertained by many of the toys and gadgets that they found in the house, one of which was a beautiful old harmonium. A harmonium is a piano that produces sound when air is moved through a series of reeds. This particular harmonium was a small version, like the precursor to the portable keyboard, with a side of accordion mixed in. The reeds are pumped by hand, as is typical of Indian harmoniums.
I only wish that I had taken some pictures of the carving detail on the cover!
While things are certainly starting to settle in to a routine on some levels, we still have a ways to go on others. The lils are doing well for the most part, but they miss home a lot and need a lot more attention than they have historically wanted. This is an adjustment for me too and more often then not, if the attention isn’t there, they let me know LOUDLY. Their behaviour has an ebb and flow to it, good for a while, then bad. The good is filled with calm and happy fun, the bad is generally filled with fights, not listening, time out pile-ups, and acting out everywhere and anywhere.
I know this is to be expected, but I hoped we would have settled to their normal selves by now. They haven’t, so we continue to search for ways to make things smoother for them. I have done a tonne of casual observation of their interactions with people, and have noted a trend that is really starting to bug me. I first noticed it with our driver and maid. If the lils were misbehaving around them, things like messing up the bed right after it was made, or climbing over the seats to get to the back of the car, my attempts to get them to stop were consistently met with “it’s okay, it’s okay”. I thought at first that it was because they love and are amused by the lils and also because they didn’t want me to be upset. While I wasn’t really upset with the lils, I didn’t want this kind of behaviour to become the norm.
Then I started noticing it elsewhere. When we were shopping and they were monkeying around in the stores, all the sales people would tell me “it’s okay”. If they were yelling in placed they shouldn’t, people would tell me “it’s okay”, if they were making messes where they shouldn’t, “it’s okay”. It is starting to drive me a little batty.
They hear this, and now I have become the bossy mom that they don’t need to listen to, apparently. It keeps getting worse. We were in a music class recently when Woo wouldn’t share an instrument that was being passed around to all the children. It is something that he has at home in Ottawa, and he realized it wasn’t here when he saw it. I tried to explain that he could get it back after all in the class had a chance, but he dug his heels in and started to get very upset. The teacher came over and started to tell me that it was okay, so I calmly looked at her and said, “actually, it’s NOT okay”. She thought about it, agreed with me, and asked that he pass the instrument on.
Woo did pass it on, and I felt a little vindicated. I wish there were more people who reacted like the five-year-old sitting beside Woo. When he started to get upset and refuse to pass the instrument on, she looked at him and said “that’s not very good sharing”. She was right.
