We’ve had our share of squatters this last year, but have dealt with them pretty effectively for the most part. Some have been embraced, like the families of bunnies that live in or near our yard, or the spiders that reside in the house but take care of all sorts of creepy crawlies and keep the cat entertained. Others, like the mice that invaded our space, the wasps that stung my lil boy five times, or the red lily beetles have been swiftly eventually executed. I thought that we had taken care of our spring ants as well, but I was so very, very wrong.

Last Sunday, upon return from vacation, we were lounging around the house getting ready to head outside for a barbecue. It was a really hot day, and the sun was streaming in through the west-facing windows. I was talking on the phone as Willy herded Goose and Woo for shoes. I heard them go in the room, and then there was silence. Willy called me to come into the room in that right now and I am trying not to panic voice. I dashed into the room and saw that both the lils and Willy were fine. What they were staring at, transfixed on in fact, was not. The ants that were crawling streaming out of one of the window frames. They were big and black and there were hundreds of them.

The word vacuum came out of my mouth, and Willy ran down to get it while I continued to watch in horror. He was back in record time, and we started to suck them up. There were hundreds upon hundreds of these big ants, and they were now coming out of the frames of two different windows, carrying what appeared to be all of their worldly belongings. We clearly had a problem.

About twenty minutes later, we noted that the exodus was now a mere trickle, so we sealed the room after setting out traps and poison , moved the vacuum outside while it was still running, and sealed the vacuum bag and all the ants in a plastic garbage bag. We sat down to eat, but kept checking to make sure that there was no second wave. They seemed to be under control.

I don’t know what happened that made them freak out so, but there was clearly something wrong in their world. It may have been that the heat became too intense and they decided to move to a cooler location, or that some other pest attacked their humble home. I suppose we’ll never know, but can acknowledge that this is a large problem.

Willy was home with Woo the next day, and did some googling to see what next. All of the sources that he found pointed to use of the same poison that we had used to keep them under control . This comforted me, but I kept playing worst case scenario in my head, and did some googling of my own. Turns out that one of the pretty defining characteristics of a carpenter ant is…

A hairy ass. Crap. We need an exterminator. Until we get this figured out, no bug of any sort is safe in this house.

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As I see it, the real problem with putting yourself out there is not what others think about you, but what you think of yourself afterwards. In the back of my mind I know that this is a risk, but sometimes I get brave and put myself way out there anyway. It’s about growth and challenging myself.

When I read one of my blog posts in public last week, I took that risk. It was not something I would normally do, but something I wanted to do, to experience. Since I started writing this blog, I discovered that I really like writing, that I want to write, tell stories, and share my views. This event was another way to tell my story, and I jumped at the opportunity to submit a tale. To say that I was honoured and excited would be understating. I was also very anxious about not being able to get up and share.

On the night of I was a bundle of nerves, but had practiced, and in the end felt that I delivered my post well. What I didn’t anticipate was that I would walk away feeling so inadequate. There were twenty extremely talented people who read around me. They made me laugh and cry and made me appreciate the work that they put into their writing. I walked away feeling that I was not anywhere near their league. How was I even in the same room as them, sharing the same stage? It’s days later, and this has saddened me and paralyzed me. Where do I go from here?

Right now I am in a holding pattern. Part of me says keep doing what you are doing, part of me says forget about it all, and the rest says get better. Do more. Put yourself out there. The right answer is to commit to doing something that I enjoy and improve. But that means I have to put myself out there, and I am not sure I am ready for that.

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Last night, was BOLO!  It was a fabulous night, where some of Ottawa’s finest bloggers read their posts. And Ottawa has some simply fabulous writers.  The full list is posted on the BOLO site.  I was a reader this year, and easily chose one of my favourite posts to read – uninvited guests.

I also submitted ten photos for display. These were MUCH harder to choose, but I finally narrowed it down to these ten:

I’m still processing the experience.  It was so much more than I expected!

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This week marks our first foray into day camps for the Woo. He was very excited at the prospect, and particularly keen on the camp that we chose for this week “Buggin’ Out”. It’s an afternoon camp, so yesterday morning was spent at home with Willy. He talked about all the cool things that he would find, planned to bring his magnifying glass to see them better, and had his dad read one of his bug books right before leaving, so he would be ready. He went right in to the camp, happy to get going.

At the end of the afternoon, Willy picked him up. He came running to me and was happy, so I asked for a report. He got a strange look on his face and said “there are no bugs at bug camp, it’s just a play with other kids camp”. He was more than a little disappointed, and mentioned it a few more times. In his descriptions of the day, he gave a pretty good list of the things he did, and assured me that he had fun, despite the fact that there were no bugs.

Willy and I talked about it, and both felt that there must be some mistake. Either we read the description wrong, or they had him in the wrong room. Last night I re-read the flyer for the camp, which reads “Come and explore the wild world around us, from the very tall to the very small! Together we’ll search high and low, far and wide for the largest creature to the tiniest fly.” While it doesn’t explicitly say we will hunt bugs, I still felt that there should be some component that involved bugs.

I brought Woo to camp this afternoon, and dropped him of a few minutes early, in hopes of catching one of the leaders to see what was up. Woo was wearing his bug shirt (at his request), and told me that he hoped they would see some bugs today. I got him settled an grabbed one of the leaders. She was shocked to hear that we expected bugs, and that Woo was disappointed to not have seen or heard of any the day before. She explained that they focused on all living things, and might make a bug craft today. She also let me know that they had arranged for a special reptile event at the camp later this week, but that it was in the morning session, the session for which he is not registered. None of these give the little man the bugs he so wants to catch and learn about.

I am still open to the outcome, but our first experience with camp is somewhat of a letdown. It’s more like a play group or daycare, both of which we already have in place. While this is helping him to go off in new situations on his own, I still feel it’s not what we ordered. There better be some science at science camp next week. For now, it looks like I’ll be doing some bug hunting with my lil man.

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I have a short post up at Kids in the Capital today called “follow that boat“, talking about our recent adventure following a boat down the locks at the end of the Rideau Canal.  I had actually never watched a boat travel the locks before we stumbled upon it, and it was actually quite fun.

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A year ago I didn’t have this little blog.  I’d tried and failed to write had all but given up.  I like to write, but felt that I wasn’t doing it right, that this wasn’t writing, or that I didn’t have the time to devote to writing.  There were no plans to start another blog.  Then I went to BOLO.

BOLO, or Blog Out Loud Ottawa, changed that.  I went that night last summer and sat and listened to many great Ottawa authors speak their written word. I was introduced to some of the authors that I read already, and exposed (literally to one) to many more. The best part was hearing them tell the stories that they had written. It gave an added dimension to their writing, and inspired me to try again.

Fast forward one year, and I was brave enough to submit a post for review. It is one of my favourite posts. I hoped that it would get chosen, and was scared that it would. The good news is?! It did! I’ll be bloggin’ out loud this coming Thursday at the Prescott, along with 20 of ottawa’s many talented authors. I am incredibly honoured, scared shitless, and really excited. More info about the event, including my incredibly kind and blush-inducing profile can be found at www.blogoutloud.org

There are also a number of Ottawa-based amateur and professional photogs, myself included, who will be displaying their work at the event. I think I am equally excited to see these!

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Canada Day

As we have just spent Canada Day in Toronto and I am struck by what’s missing here. It’s just a little quieter, a little calmer. This is the first time that we are not in Ottawa on July first for as long as I remember. I know that we had a great day and spent it as a family, I feel a little like I am missing out. I love the hustle and bustle of my city, the rampant patriotism, and overall happiness of the day. Our day was filled with fun; strawberry picking, community party, naps, time in the park, and a family dinner. All were perfect, but it’s just not quite the same here.

When we lived in the Market (aka ground zero on Canada Day), Willy and I used to love to go for a walk early in the morning. The city was gleaming and quiet. You could feel a vibe that was not there on any other day, the anticipation of a celebration about to erupt! I was always ready too. We used to throw huge parties, where people came and went over the day, stopping for some food, a pint, or a bit of cake as they moved from one activity to another, others staying from the moment we cracked the keg at noon until we returned from the fireworks and fired up the bar-b-cue one more time. One of my favourite Canada Day memories is of our first Canada Day together, when wandering through the Market, we stumbled onto the Black Tomato. It’s our favourite restaurant, and I always remember that first lunch when we are there.

I’ve had time to think this week about what it is that I love about my country, and why Canada Day is a fabulous day to celebrate those things, not just an excuse to have a party. It is a pretty good excuse to have a party though! There are so many good reasons to love this place, these are but some of my biggest …

• It’s vast. HUGE. ENORMOUS. We have cities and the country, the mountains and the prairies, the cold and the warm(ish).
• I’m free. Really, there are very few limits and restrictions on my life, and I am so grateful for this every day.
• We have healthcare.  It’s not perfect, but it’s there when we need it.
• A diversity of people and cultures.  We are so fortunate to have this and to embrace the difference.
• It’s really a beautiful country, and the photographer in me continues to be inspired by all the large and small beauties it offers.
• We also have a diversity of climate, which suits me just fine, I could never handle a climate that rarely or barely changed, I love that there are four distinct seasons here, seasons that do go to extremes and make you appreciate the next season all the more.
• Hockey. We play it, we watch it, we love it, but most of all we created it!
• The people. The nicest people that I know are Canadian, but even the people that I don’t know prove to be awesome time and time again.
• Our talent. There are some ridiculously talented authors, musicians, athletes, artists… around here.
• The beer. We don’t have the best beer in the world, but what we’ve got is better than most get and pretty tasty 🙂
• Timmies. I know it’s not great, not fancy and not super special, but I love my Timmies.
• We spell things our way.
• Eh. ’nuff said

Scenes from our Canada day…

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Busy vacation meant I missed my “wordless wednesday – at the zoo” yesterday. Oops.

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We set off on a long drive to visit family this AM, and made the decision to take the road less traveled, and make the drive just a wee bit longer.  The lils were excited, Willy was excited, and I had coffee.  We headed out. 

As we drove in the beautiful sunlight, we noted what a great day it was to take this drive.  There were few cars on the road, and the scenery is pretty stunning.  Quick stops were a breeze and both lils liked the new route. It was a good choice for a lazy Monday drive. 

We’ve started doing picnic lunches on long drives where ever possible. The trick is to find the right park that is safe, but entertaining for the lils, but also lets willy and I chill for a bit. Luckily, there is an app for finding parks. Sadly it failed us today.

We pulled into the town we were near at lunch time and prepared to drive around. We were in luck, spotting both the local coffee shop and community park within seconds of hitting town. The park was crowded with a school picnic, but it dispersed seconds after we pulled in so we stayed and had a nice lunch and run around. 

I pulled out my camera to take a few pictures before we left, and noticed that there was a little bird’s nest tucked in the rafters of the shelter for the picnic tables. I stood on the tables to take this picture, much to the amusement of the lils. They soon joined me on the table, and stayed there after I got down. 

I was walking away when Goose called to me for help getting down. I asked her to wait a moment while I set down my camera. When I turned back around I watched as Woo very patiently and carefully showed her how to safely get off the table. He took his time, making sure that she was able to do all the steps, and waited for her each time before he showed her what to do next. 

It was so sweet to see. Willy and I just watched in awe. He was so gentle. He didn’t grab her and haul her off, yell for us to come, or shove her off the table. He led her through the steps in such a wonderful way. 

I’m so glad that our many paths took us to this park today, so we could see just what a great brother, teacher, and leader he is becoming. Moments like this make all the trying ones melt away. 

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Driving up to the cottage this past weekend we passed several cemeteries. As we drove by one of the last ones, curious lad that he is, Woo started to ask about the people who were buried there. Who they were, why I didn’t know them, when they died, why they died. I answered to the best that I could and we continued along in silence. I thought the subject was put to rest. It never is with four-year olds though.

Several kilometres had passed when he started asking about my dad, who passed away long before he was born. We talked about where he is buried, and Woo’s desire (and my shared want) to go visit his grave. We moved on to his middle name, which he gets from my grandfather, Willy’s father and my dad. We were fortunate that they shared the same name, so were able to honour them all in his naming. We talked about their greatness, and how special it is that he shares their name. He paused for a minute and said, “so you and daddy have no more daddies, then.”

No more daddies.

It really hit me. We don’t. We are fortunate to have my grandfather still, but we are now both without our fathers. This weekend marked the first father’s day since Willy’s dad passed away, and I didn’t really connect the fact that neither of our dads are still with us until now. I should have, really.

I am struck almost every day, in small ways and big ways, by how much I miss Willy’s dad. My father has been gone for over twenty years, but Willy’s dad passed away in September and it is still fresh. Raw. I see now what an influence he was, a force in both our lives. We were never what I would call close, and I never thought of him as my dad, but for a long time he was my only father figure. He pushed me and supported me, infuriated me and loved me. Now he too is gone.

I miss them both, and wish they were still here.

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