As I see it, the real problem with putting yourself out there is not what others think about you, but what you think of yourself afterwards. In the back of my mind I know that this is a risk, but sometimes I get brave and put myself way out there anyway. It’s about growth and challenging myself.
When I read one of my blog posts in public last week, I took that risk. It was not something I would normally do, but something I wanted to do, to experience. Since I started writing this blog, I discovered that I really like writing, that I want to write, tell stories, and share my views. This event was another way to tell my story, and I jumped at the opportunity to submit a tale. To say that I was honoured and excited would be understating. I was also very anxious about not being able to get up and share.
On the night of I was a bundle of nerves, but had practiced, and in the end felt that I delivered my post well. What I didn’t anticipate was that I would walk away feeling so inadequate. There were twenty extremely talented people who read around me. They made me laugh and cry and made me appreciate the work that they put into their writing. I walked away feeling that I was not anywhere near their league. How was I even in the same room as them, sharing the same stage? It’s days later, and this has saddened me and paralyzed me. Where do I go from here?
Right now I am in a holding pattern. Part of me says keep doing what you are doing, part of me says forget about it all, and the rest says get better. Do more. Put yourself out there. The right answer is to commit to doing something that I enjoy and improve. But that means I have to put myself out there, and I am not sure I am ready for that.