16
July

Ay Kurumba!

After several long and tiring trips, both within India, and around the globe, we had one important criteria for our summer vacation planning:  direct flight. While there are several nice places that fit the bill, the one that interested us the most was the flight to Malé, Maldives.  Private resort islands in the middle of the Indian Ocean? Of course we were interested.  After soliciting a number of friends, we booked in at Kurumba, a resort that offered some other features that we were interested in; close to the airport, children’s activity centre, and scuba diving.

We arrived at noon on Sunday, and immediately noticed that it was hot and humid.  Given that the Maldives are essentially on the equator, we expected this, but it was still noteworthy.  Once we connected with the resort employee who was sent to fetch us, we were whisked on to a luxurious and air conditioned boat and sped to the island that housed Kurumba.  As with most resorts and hotels in the Maldives, the island consisted only of our resort, a neat feature.  We were quickly and efficiently checked in, and shown to our room, which was right on the beach and looked out onto the ocean.
Room with a view

It didn’t take us long to get settled.  While I quickly tried to find the sand toys and bathing suits, the lils and Willy ran the fifteen feet to the water’s edge and started playing in the sand.  They inched closer and closer to the water until both lils were happily swimming, in their clothes.  We eventually got them into bathing suits and later dragged then away from the water to find food.  We walked the perimeter of the island to find the restaurant, and watched the lils inch closer and closer to the water until they were wet again.  It was a scene that was happily repeated throughout the week.
Walk the beach

That evening we headed to the beach bar on the eastern side of the island.  We had heard from friends that the patio was a great place to look for aquatic life, and had heard from the resort that they would be hosting happy hour for the guests!  On our walk around the island, the waters were calm and we were pleasantly surprised to find that the area within the breakwall and natural reef was teeming with fish and other creatures.  Our favourites were the numerous hermit crabs that skillfully* dodged little and big feet on the beach.  We sat outside on the deck at the bar, and marvelled at the fish, rays, crabs, squid, seahorse, and baby SHARKS that kept passing by.
Crabby

I spy

Three lil reef sharks

Our days followed a lazy pattern of early morning “shark walks”, lavish meals at the buffet, snorkelling in the patch of ocean that was right in front of our door (the snorkelling was really amazing, the reef is really well developed), more eating, some margaritas or other appropriate drinks, a visit to the “kid’s club”, more eating and switching to wine, and finished off with pouring the lils into bed (and occasionally falling asleep with them).  I was also lucky enough to get in five dives, which absolutely thrilled me.

While this may sound like it could have been any other all-inclusive vacation that we have been on, it was so much better.  The staff was bend-over-backwards friendly to us and the lils.  Everyone that we met, including the great staff working at the dive centre, went out of their way to ensure that we were all enjoying ourselves.  The food was great for the carnivores and seafood lovers in the family, and the chefs in particular were responsive to Woo’s allergy needs.  The rooms were clean and spacious, had nice linens, and were really well maintained for a resort that is around thirty years old!  We all loved the bathroom, with a great big soaker tub and a fabulous outdoor rain shower. A nice side effect is that has convinced the lils that showers are not so bad after all.

One of the best memories that we will all take from the trip was the sunset cruise on Wednesday night.  Billed as a dolphin and sunset cruise, I had no way of knowing just how many spinner dolphins we would see, and how they would perform for us!  There were literally hundreds of dolphins, swimming in the bow wake, dipping and diving all around us, jumping and doing their patented spin in the air as far as we could see.  We were all amazed, and I keep smiling thinking of it.  I just wish I had tried harder to get some better shots of them.  I was too busy looking on in awe!
We have a jumper!

Flock of dolphins

Now I have to convince Willy that we can go back there before we leave India.  I am pretty sure that he wants to go, we just need to know if we will be able to squeeze it in.

*well, all but one skillfully dodged my big feet.  RIP lil fella.*

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6
July

The L word

Today was going smashingly.  The lils and I had just gotten home from a fun playdate and were basking in the glow of full tummies after lunch when I got a text that turned my day upside-down.  It was from a friend of mine who has a little girl Woo’s age.  A little girl that Woo enjoys playing with, who he and Goose get to hang out with at day camp most days.  “You better check your lils”, she said, “My girl and another friend from camp have lice.”

LICE

I have heard enough horror stories to know that it is inevitable that anyone with children will hear this warning at least once per academic year, I just hoped that we would be able to avoid it this year.  It really wasn’t what I wanted to be hearing 36 hours before we leave for vacation.  So I started alternating between Google and random haphazard checks of the lils heads.  I had no idea what I was looking for, so I just kept looking.  They were getting frustrated, and all I noticed was that my lils seem to have a lot of glitter in their hair for two little people whose mom is too mean to supply them with glitter.  I took a deep breath and did some more reading.

Based on my assessment of the lils craniums, it was unlikely that they had nits.  Knowing that we were going away, I did not want to take any chances, so I headed to the drug store for the special shampoo, even though I knew it only killed active nits. I spent the rest of the afternoon laundering everything that has touched their heads recently, including all of the 8 million blankets that they each keep on their beds; every lovey that they could conceive to take on vacation; both of their special pillows, neither of which have a removable cover; and every hat that we own, given that they each tried on every one of them yesterday as part of a vacation packing fashion show. All of this had to be washed in hot water, and then in the dryer for at least 15 minutes.  Our washer and dryer is a combo unit, so this took forever.  While I was doing all this I was also giving their hair the special wash and comb through.  Woo was easy enough, but Goose took forever. Her hair is at her waist now, and as white as the nits and eggs that I was looking for. When I finished all this, I realised that I had to call the friends where we played this am, but at least I was able to report that we found nothing, so hopefully exposure risk was low.

Now I sit having a glass of wine and scratching.  I have been ever since I got the text, and will likely continue to do so until I know that we are in the clear.  It’s clearly psycho-somatic, as it started the second that I got the text, and Willy reported similar symptoms. I hope we don’t have to do this again for a long time.

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4
July

Wordless wednesday – peeking in my neighbours gardens

Purple fringe

Hibiscus

Back side

Expectation

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3
July

Clumsy

We came to India with the bare essentials; clothes, blankys and other loveys, a few books, and a not enough toys. We had a small shipment that included things that we thought we could not live without for a year, but it was due weeks after we arrived. Our house was available two days after we arrived, so I shopped for things like sheets, towels, pots, dishes, and glassware. One think that I noticed was just how much Corelle dishware there was available for purchase. I am not a big fan, so I when out of my way to search out a regular stoneware dish set. It turns out that the abundance of Corelle is likely due to the fact that the majority of houses here have marble flooring that is not forgiving when things are dropped.

We have actually been pretty lucky, and have only broken a couple of the bowls and small plates from all of our dishes. Given the lils propensity to drop things, I think that we are doing ok. I actually thought that while I was unloading the dishwasher after lunch today, although I should have known better. Within about a minute of the thought I dropped one of our wineglasses, which shattered spectacularly. The lils came running, but were content to sit and watch me clean from well outside of the shrapnel zone. They happily pointed out the pieces that I missed while sweeping and chattered on about the dangerous mess that I had made. I was sad to lose a glass that from a set that I liked.

Woo and Goose wandered off and I very carefully went back to unloading the dishwasher. Once it was completed, I noted that Woo had left half his sandwich on the table to be saved for later, so I thought that I should at least put it in the fridge. I quickly grabbed a saucer out of the cupboard. Too quickly. As I frantically tried to catch it as it slipped out of my wet hands, but failed. Seconds after the tell-tale crash, Woo called from upstairs. “Another glass?!” he said derisively.

Broken dishes are clearly exciting, as they both came running and sat in the safe-from-shrapnel zone. As they watched me sweep the kitchen for a second time in five minutes, they began to have a “whispered” conversation about how Mommy broke another dish, and just how clumsy I was. They went on and on and on about the clumsiness, saying things like: “Oh, Mommy is soooo clumsy”, “did you see that clumsy Mommy broke another dish”, and “why do you think Mommy is so clumsy”. I desperately wanted to tell them exactly how not helpful that was and shoo them away. I couldn’t because it likely would have been cute if I wasn’t so ticked at myself, and it because it was true. It began to lose it’s charm when the lils gleefully told our cook, then our guests about how clumsy Mommy is. When Daddy came home they retold the story several times, again focusing on how clumsy I was. They are a treat.

Postscript: As Willy was tidying the kitchen just now, I heard the crash and smash that has become all too familiar in such a short period of time. Third piece TODAY. Funny, no little voices called down to ask who had broken what, or ran to discuss how clumsy he is…

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2
July

The head bobble

When Willy came back from his trip to India in July of 2009, he was full of tales of the fantastic things that he saw, the amazing food, the wonderful weather, and the absolutely great people that he met.  In some ways, that trip started the ball rolling on our “trip“ to India. We just didn’t know at the time just how involved the trip would be, and that it would last this long.  One of the things that he was most intrigued by was the way that a lot of Indians, many of them unknowingly, bob their heads as they are conversing.  He tried to pinpoint the exact meaning of the gesture, but was only here for a short time, and never really narrowed it down.

Even though I had heard of his experience, I was a little confused when we arrived and so many of the people that we spoke with shook their head intermittently in conversations. I wasn’t at all used to it, and the motion gave me the impression that the person initiating it was disagreeing with what was being said.  Each time it happened, I would stop and ask, “is that OK?”, and each time I sought to clarify, I would be met with a confused look.  Then Willy explained to me that many of the people he has asked about this bobble have bobbled without being aware of it, some even deny that they, or any of their countrymen, do it at all.

Nine months later, I am still not absolutely clear on what the motion means.  It varies by person and by context, but it is a safe bet that the bobble means one of:

      yes
      no
      I don`t know
      I understand
      I don’t understand
      I hear you
      I am not arguing with you
      I do believe you
      thank you
      you’re welcome


Do you see why I am confused?  In truth, it is most likely to indicate agreement, or consideration of what is proposed than anything else, but it can occasionally mean disagreement.

I have noticed that many of the transplants pick up this gesture.  Some will only bobble in response to another’s bobbles, but a few of my friends will initiate or bobble when no one around them does.  I know that Willy has been caught doing a reciprocal bobble on more than one occasion, a fact he will grudgingly admit.  The lils have not, and seem to be even more confused than I am.

I do not bobble.  I think.

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29
June

One hundred days

We were warned that an assignment of one year is basically six months of settling in, and six months of moving out.  We’ve tried not to view it as such, but it’s hard not to think about it when it comes up in conversation all the time.  It’s the ex-pat dance.  People talk about how long you are here for and when you are leaving.  Lately, when I say that we are here for a year, leaving in the fall, people tell me that is really soon.  So I counted the days.

The number is one hundred.  We are committed to be here for one hundred more days.  Sure there is an outside chance that we will stay longer, but it doesn’t look like that will happen.  We’ll likely be moving back Ottawa, but we are really not much clearer on that than we were one hundred days ago.  In any case, we will be home in October for some period of time.

I am not ready to leave Bangalore, to leave India. We are finally really and truly settled, although it took much longer than we anticipated.  This is especially true of the lils, who have blossomed since we returned from Canada and are really enjoying life here.  It is almost like they had to see that everything was still OK at home to realize that it is pretty OK here.  Their happiness contributes to our happiness, and we’ve all found a groove.  Sure, I am still lonely, especially when Willy travels or works at night, but I knew that would happen from the start. We are just a lot better at making the most of the opportunities we do get now.

So I am making lists. Not the lists we need in order to move, the lists of what we want to do before we go. They are huge.  There is so much we have yet to see and do, but now there is pressure, and a need to prioritize.  Large chunks of Bangalore have been unexplored, and there are favourite spots to revisit. I have plans with friends that we just haven’t gotten around to yet. Do we go back to Mysore, or visit somewhere new?  We know we are going to the Maldives soon, can we swing a trip to Thailand or Singapore as well? Will I get to take one more trip to photograph parts of India that I will never get to again, where will it be, and who will I go with? As the lists grow and grow, I worry that one hundred days is not nearly enough time.

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27
June

Wordless Wednesday – Praying Mantises

What are you looking at?

I have an itch

Big'un

The pose

Baby mantis

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25
June

But a child

In my day to day life I meet and chat with a number of different people.  Some of them are ex-pats like our family, but mostly I meet Indians from all walks of life.  Many of them are what our family like to refer to as our helpers, the domestic staff that work in almost all of the villas in our community. The lils and I have gotten to know a few of them, because they work on our street;  we are always bumping into them as we walk and ride around the community; they are playing with their charges in the park as we are there; or all three.  As I chat with these men and women, I often get to hear a little bit of their life stories.  This is Anu’s*

Anu works on our street.  She is friendly and polite and has taken an obvious shine to the lils.  She loves to play with them, and will make the time to do so whenever she can.  Over the months that we have known each other, I have learned bits and pieces about her life. It was only today that I pieced them all together.

A mother and a grandmother, Anu is only thirty-four years old. Her husband doesn’t live with her, though, as he has another wife and family.  He hasn’t divorced her, he just moved on when he wasn’t happy with her.  He is still around in her life, and she still considers herself married, yet she is raising their two children and helping to raise her grandchild alone.  She pays all the bills, and gets very little, if anything from him. She was TWELVE when she married him, and gave birth to their first child days after her thirteenth birthday. I fail to wrap my head around this, knowing that she was married and a mom when she should have been playing with her friends. I can’t see how she willingly (in law or in life) made these choices.  I doubt she was given any say in the matter at all.

This shocked, saddened and sickened me, despite the fact that Anu claims to be happy. Her reasons are that he never speaks poorly of her and has never beaten her.  It doesn’t change the fact that she was forced into a marriage with a much older man, and had given birth to a child when she was still a child herself.  Yes, India does have a history of child marriage, but it has been against the law since 1978, the very year that Anu was born.

Still, these marriages happen, clearly they happen.  Just this spring there was massive media coverage of an eighteen year old girl who had her marriage annulled.  It was the first of the kind in the country, and there was widespread speculation on the backlash that she and her family might face for having taken such a drastic step.  She learned of the marriage when her in-laws arrived to “claim” her, as she had been married to the boy when she was one and he was three.  These are just two of the many stories that I have seen and heard while we have been here.  These marriages keep happening.

To her credit, Anu is doing a fabulous job of taking care of herself and her family.  She speaks excellent English, in addition to Hindi and several local languages.  She can also read most of these languages, including English.  Her life has not been easy, yet she has worked hard to further herself, and certainly has. In doing so, she has raised two fabulous children, one who is married and a mom herself, and another who is studying engineering at college. Her kind heart shows through every time I see her, in her every interaction with those around her.

Despite Anu`s assurances that she is happy and the fact that I can see she does have happiness in her life, I also know that she has a fairly lonely life and wonder about what could have been.  As I watched her playing with the lils after our talk, I could not help but think that a part of the reason why she plays so well with them is that she never got to play the way any child should.  Thrust into the roles of wife and mother, her time for games and tomfoolery certainly ended far too early.

*I have changed Anu’s name 

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22
June

The wrong goodbye

We live in an ex-pat community, so we often see a tonne of people moving in and out.  It isn’t a huge community, but is older* and established, so most of the 300 or so houses are rarely vacant for long and moving trucks ae pretty common sight. Our street is a short and quiet street, with only six houses on it, and has been fully occupied for the last six months.

We were really happy to meet our across the street neighbours and their two children, aged three and five, shortly after we moved in.  It took a few weeks, but the four lils began to play together often.  Whenever one duo heard the other outside, they raced out to join in play, be it road hockey, biking, football, tennis, cricket, or various combinations of those games. They were a good fit, and enjoyed countless hours playing together.  This little group was joined by two little girls in January, who moved beside us.  While they didn’t play together with the lils as often, they always enjoyed their time together, especially when they were passing treasures to each other through the fence.  Both of those families were planning to be in Bangalore for a long time, so we were both happy to know that the friends would be here for the rest of our stay, and sad to know that we would be breaking up these friendships in the fall.

As it goes with ex-pat life, things change.  All of a sudden one family is moving home for a new job, and the other is moving because their assignment was cut short.  Both of these moves happened this week.  The lils knew that they were coming, but that doesn’t make it easy.  Thankfully, the girls next door spent their last morning in India here, and they had a great last play date.  They had fun together, took many pictures, and were ready to say goodbye when the time came.

Our across the street neighbours left without saying goodbye.  The children flew to their grandparents house late Tuesday night, and did not return during the packing.  The house is now empty, and their driver confirmed for us that they are not coming back.  I suspected this might happen when I heard the children leaving after bedtime on Monday, and began to prepare Woo and Goose, yet I am left with the questions. “Why would they leave without saying goodbye”, and “Are you sure that they aren’t going to come back?” are the most common ones.  They are left hanging, and it upsets us all.

I know that things get forgotten, and that you can’t think of everything, but I wish their parents had thought to let us know that they were leaving as the lils stopped playing together on Monday. It was obviously the last chance that they would have to play together, and saying goodbye would have been a natural thing. Instead the lils are left hanging.

*older is really a relative term, given that the community is six years old*

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21
June

What goes around…

Sometimes the nicest things happen when you least expect it. It might shock some to know that beneath my tough and unpolished exterior lies a really soft and mushy heart. I like to do nice things for people, and I especially like to do them when they don’t ask me.

Last fall I finally decided that it was time to clear our spare bedroom of all of the baby things we were storing.  I went through the mountains of clothes and quickly found homes for all of the little boy clothes.  It seemed that several of my friends had little boys that were just the right size for what I had, and they were happy to have them.  The girl clothes were another story.  I had mountains of them, thanks in large part to my friend Heidi who has gifted me with her daughter’s entire wardrobe from birth. The clothes were stinking adorable too.  I really wanted to pass these, plus all the clothes that I had added, on to a new lil girl! Unfortunately, all of the ones I thought of were Goose`s size or bigger, so I was a little stumped.

Then I thought of Amy, someone who I had met once or twice, but had connected with online and through my love of her photography.  She had just given birth to a little girl, and had moved her family back from a year in Bogotá, Columbia. Given that she has three boys at home, I knew that she would be short on girlie clothes, so I dropped her a line and let her know that she was welcome to all that I had if she wanted it!  Want it she did, and the week before we left for India, she arrived at my house and took it all away.

I didn’t think of the clothes again, except when I would see the pictures that Amy would post of cute lil E rockin’ the outfits. It brought a smile to my face each time, to see another happy wee girl getting good use out of the clothes.

Then a few weeks before we came to visit, Amy dropped me a line to express how much she appreciated the clothes, and how much she wanted to shoot our family as a thank you gift. She didn’t want any payment for her time and efforts, or purchases of prints from us, she just wanted to say thank you.  We were flabbergasted, and I was excited, as I admire all of Amy’s work. We giddily agreed, and this is but one of the photos she took, one of my favs!

The rest can be seen on the Muddy Boots Photography facebook page*, but suffice to say that we love them.  Love them. To say that they are a “nice thing” that happened to us when we least expected it really doesn’t do them justice!   It’s nice to know that Amy is also someone who likes to do nice things for people, especially when they don’t ask.

*you can also find Amy’s contact info here… 🙂*

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