The lils have been surprisingly unmotivated to do anything out of the norm this summer. They are happy to play together, swim for hours, read books all day and night, but haven’t asked to venture out of the house, save to go to the grocery store or go on walks with me. This is pretty unusual, but has also made for a super low stress summer for all of us. It’s like they have really needed to recover from the school year, and spent the first few weeks doing exactly that.

This all changed when we went into one of my favourite kitchen stores on the weekend, and the lils noticed that they offer a week long chef camp, and asked to be signed up. For the most part, it was a simple decision for us. They both like to cook, and have been cooking with me since they were really little. The not so simple for me is Woo’s allergy.

We did our due diligence and were assured that the recipes would be modified so that nothing would contain peanut products, and I talked to the head chef on the first day to make sure they followed through, and that Woo would be allowed to read all ingredients and question anything that made him uncomfortable. She agreed and he hesitantly joined the class, ready to start.

I left, but not without a thousand nagging worries and worst case scenarios playing out in my head. There was nothing specific that made me feel anxious, that made a giant ball of dread grow in my stomach. It was the little things: the laissez-faire the way the information about his allergy was received; that I’m asked “how severe is ‘severe’?”; that this class might not be using peanuts, but the morning class most certainly did. It adds up.

Life is all about risk assessment, but it feels like it’s amplified when you’re an allergy mom. I know that he does everything to keep safe. He’s way more conscientious about his allergy than I ever was at his age, and would not proceed if he was the least bit unsure. Yet I spend the time he’s in class wandering close by, worrying, and counting the minutes until it’s time to pick them up. Three days in, and everything has been great. He’s loving the food and hasn’t felt uncomfortable at all. Yet I still worry, and keep telling myself “It’ll be ok. It’ll be ok.” It’s hard being an allergy mama.