It’s not like we get a lot of calls, or that I mind the local calls.  It’s the multiple ring that means its long distance.  I clench my teeth, my heart starts racing, and I check the caller ID.  Usually it’s a telemarketing call and I am relieved. Yes, relieved.  Sometimes it is from family.  Those calls have been pretty normal update calls so far, but I know that they won’t always be.

I don’t want it to be that call, the one that tells us my FIL has gotten worse.  I told Willy that I felt this way, now I am afraid that I might have passed my fears on to him.  Being so far away (even when it is not that far) is hard.  I see the stress beginning to bubble to the surface, and I hate that it is.  We are so powerless at the moment.

I hate cancer.