We have been struggling with early morning wake-ups since we moved here. At first we blamed it on the time difference, and figured that things would go back to normal soon. They didn’t. It must be the light we figured, noting that the curtains in the lils rooms were pretty sheer. We searched and searched for good blackout curtains, but failed to find ones that were thick enough. They’ll get used to it, we thought.

Goose did, for the most part. She still has to combat the early morning visits from woo, but she does ok. Woo, on the other hand, is still waking. Even now that the mornings are short, he still wakes every morning about 5:30. Some days he is great about it, and plays on his own. We are really impressed with how well he does these days.  It’s the other days when he wakes some or all of us. It’s getting tiring. Literally.

This week my brother-in-law and mother-in-law helped me figure out just what it was that wakes him. First Uncle D identified that there is loud music playing every day, pre-dawn. I am pretty sure that I have heard it too, but thought nothing of it. Then I hear it later in the day, and my MIL suggests it is the Islamic call to prayer. A quick google search confirms it. We clearly live near a Mosque. There is not much we can do about that.

This lil can sleep through fireworks going off outside his window for hours, but can’t make it through 30 seconds of music. We’re in a hotel today. He was up in the night with a fever, but this morning he woke up at 8:00am. No call to prayer here.

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One of the things that I focussed on during last year’s 25 days of Christmas was giving back to those in need in our community. Several of our activities centred around preparing donations, making the donations, and talking about those who have a much greater need than we do. We feel that it is important that the lils know that there are people who are way less fortunate than they are living right in our city, and we want them to feel that they can and should give back.

This year is very different. It is abundantly clear that there are people that are less fortunate than us in Bangalore. We see it every day, pretty muh the minute that we step outside. While I will continue to support organizations in my home community, I also want us to help those in the community where we are now. The question for me has not been whether to do it, but how to make contributions that actually make a difference. I have been receiving daily emails from one of the ex-pat groups that I belong to, asking for donations or assistance. Sadly none of them have been in a place or time that the lils can contribute, and I want to do more than just give money and tell Woo and Goose about it. I want them to feel like they helped too.

This week I received an email from the school, and a notice came home in the lil’s diaries. It talked of three local institutions that our school was doing a fundraising drive for, and asked if we would help out. Woo read this notice in the car on the way home, and was clearly impacted by the contents. “Did you know that there is a school right near ours where the children have no crayons to draw with? And an older school where they have no dishes to eat on? Or a home where ladies have not toothbrushes?” I originally thought that the school had taught him all of this, but Willy tells me he read the letter several times. He has really focussed on the simple things that are needed, and that makes it a great place to include Woo and Goose. This was exactly the type of activity that I had hoped to build into the Christmas countdown.

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When the lils started school, it was Woo that I worried about.  They were both leaving a very loving and comfortable group, moving to a school where they knew no one.  it was going to be an adjustment for both, but I  thought that Goose would be OK.  She is at an age where she still just floats around.  No one wants to play with her?  She plays alone.  She doesn’t want to play with anyone?  She just sits and watches.  It’s a good age.  Woo, on the other hand, is right where friendship starts to matter.  School aged lils start to notice when the others embrace or reject them, I didn’t know what was going to happen, so I fretted.

It turned out that I did have some concerns with Goosie.  She had a really hard time being away from her brother for the first time ever.  Everyday of the first week of school, she came home and said “no friends today” in this sad little voice.  She started to have problems with drop off, and really didn’t like school for a short time.  We focused our energy on helping her adjust and I stopped worrying about Woo, for the most part.

That is not to say that there weren’t the occasional things that made me raise an eyebrow about Woo’s days.  Times like when he came home and told me about the girl who told him she would only be his friend when no one else was there; the day I saw a boy trying really hard to push him down as they walked up the lane towards me; when he complains that they are the ONLY KIDS IN THE WORLD who have to have a quiet time at home; or when he reported that the teachers had given him the “secret job” of telling when other lils throw toys (because those kids are always the most popular).  Nothing serious, just little things that I watched.

This week it has become clear that things are going well. Woo has one little friend that he is really tight with, a very sweet little boy.  Each day when we arrive, different children either yell hello to him from the second floor balcony of the classroom, or gather excitedly to him in the classroom.  He gleefully tells us of all the friends that he plays with each day.  The teachers all seem to love him, telling me what a kind and considerate boy he is, and many of the parents know him by name as we pass by them.  Then yesterday one of the moms, after being introduced to him, said “Oh! So this is the famous Woo!” I think he is going to be just fine. Although I am a little worried about just what he is famous for…

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Woo knows how to write his letters, but he prefers not to. If he is in the mood, he will write his name, and maybe the initials of everyone else in the house, but it generally takes some coaching. He would much rather read letters in his books than write them. Now that he is in school, one of the things he is expected to work on are his letters, upper and lowercase. When school started, we told his teachers of his preferences, but trusted that they would encourage him in their own way. It seems that letters ARE much more interesting at school, and he appears to be doing well in writing.

We weren’t quite sure how well he was doing until Sunday morning, when he was left to his own devices while we slept. The lils have been waking really early each morning. Some days they drag one of us to their beds, some days they crawl into our bed, but most days they just play with each other. On this particular Sunday, Goose was snuggled between us, and I thought that Woo was in his room, reading a book.

I thought I stayed awake, but woke to the sound of excited and happy chatter about their new bean bag chairs, which had been purchased the day before. They chose their own, and both seemed to be in love with them. The first snippet of their conversation that I clearly remember hearing  was Woo saying “So now we won’t get them confused, because our names are on them!” Sure enough, they were.  The letters were perfectly formed, and the printing was very neat.  Guess all that practice is paying off.

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This move hasn’t been all roses, and it’s shown in more ways than one. We have each had our adjustments to make, and some have taken a while. Sadly for me, I have not been adjusting as well as I hoped, and that makes it hard for interacting with the lils, who are trying to figure it out as well and acting out of character a fair bit. Throw in the fact that we have been stuck in the house together for hours at a time waiting for various deliveries etc has made it worse. As a result, I lose my patience, give many timeouts, over react, yell, and have A LOT of regrets and apologies. I know that this is ME not them, and I know that I need to figure it out fast.

Last week Candace posted a mom challenge on her blog. It was a list of thirty things that she was going to do, one a day, over the month of November. Actions that brought the focus back to her children and asked that she take the time to appreciate them. I was excited and thankful that she posted it. It was so simply laid out, and clearly what I needed. It also told me that I wasn’t the only mom who needed a little reminder. Pretty much all of the items on the list are easy and should be no brainers, but for me of late, they haven’t been.

The easiest so far (keeping in mind that we are six days in) has been the suggestion to hug each child at least three times. We are pretty huggy people, so I had this one in the bag by 7:30am. I decided to just keep hugging, and not just when they wanted a hug, or were hurt or sad, but when ever. There were many, many hugs dished out that day, and in the days that followed. The best part is that they have started initiating the hugs at a rate greater than what I am doing. Big, squeeze as tight as you can, hold on for a long time hugs. It’s a big ol love fest here.

While I knew that this challenge was the right thing for me, I had a hard time coming to terms with the fact that I was planning to follow a list that told me how I could be more present as a parent, more understanding of my lils. Six days in, I have made many really small adjustments, some on the list, some not. I know that there is more to do, and will keep trying. Seeing the changes that have been the result, in all of our moods and behaviours, has told me that it doesn’t matter how I got the reminder, just that I knew I needed it. It’s more than just the hugs, but they are my favourite part.

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