The lils are in a wedding in just ten days, and have nothing suitable to wear. They NEED outfits for this, and we have received little no inspiration and guidance from the bride and groom.  This morning, I made the ill-advised decision to take both lils on a shopping trip with me, hoping that they would find looking for pretty clothes fun.  They are my children, though, and did not.

We went to Sears, and managed to find a cute suit for Woo.  The lils still haven’t seen it, as they were nowhere near me during any part of the looking.  They were either running around and hiding from me, or steadfastly refusing to walk with me, hold my hand, hold each other’s hands, or go where I asked them too.  Thankfully the store was pretty empty.  I should have seen this for the warning that it was. I did not.

We headed to the escalator, so that we could go downstairs to the mall.  As we were walking over, I thought that we should maybe take the elevator, but decided against it.  I tried to grab their hands to go down, but both protested and claimed that they could manage without me.  I knew they could not, but let them, positioning myself between them, just in case.  This way I could grab either (or both) if I needed to.

We reached the top and Goose handed me their snack bowl.  In the instant that I took my eye off Woo, he stepped forward and put one foot on the top stair. He then stopped moving.  The escalator, of course, did not, and two stairs passed before he slid his back foot onto a stair.  He was doing a mean splits and started to panic, so I grabbed him and got both feet onto the same stair, making sure that he was OK.  I then heard a squeal from the top of the escalator, where Goose was realizing that we were halfway down, and she was still at the top.

Afraid that she was going to just launch herself at us (as she is prone to doing from the tops of stairs), I turned and headed up, telling Woo to ride to the bottom and wait.  Telling her that I was coming, I took a few steps and made little headway.  She was still squeaking, so I stepped it up a little and thought that I could take the stairs two at a time.  I could not.  My toe caught one of the steps, and I went sprawling forward.

Have you ever tried to right yourself from a prone position on a moving escalator?  While still trying to make forward progress in the direction opposite to the one that the escalator is moving? Don’t. It is not easy or graceful. When I finally righted myself, I got Woo to retrieve my keys, which had flown out of my pocket, and made my way back to the top.

After what seemed like an eternity, I reached a very concerned Goose and we rode together to Woo.  they had many questions… Why did you spill our snack? Is there any more snack? Is the snack all dirty?  Why is the snack all over?  Did you throw our snack?  Are you sure we can’t eat that snack?

Thanks for looking after my well being, lils.  Don’t worry about all the skin I left on the stairs, the bruises I am now sporting, or the toenail I am pretty sure I will lose.

I think they are trying to kill me.