We all deal with the calls that we get from telemarketers in our own little ways. I used to just straight up tell the caller that I wasn’t interested in their services, until one local business told me that they would need to hear it from my husband before they would stop calling me. I’d had enough repeat callers at this point that I knew I needed to change tactics, but this pushed me right over the edge. For a little while, I tried telling them that I was on the do not call list, but that seemed to have no effect. Complaining about the businesses was also wasted effort, as you need the full name and number of the business. So now I lie.

In the past week, I have gotten a call about duct cleaning, too bad I just had it done. A call from the snow removal service that will clear our laneway before we know that it has stopped snowing, who was told, “sorry, I have a guy who does that” (his name is Willy). We also had a call from a contractor who was “in the neighbourhood” and wanted to quote on any work we needed done. I told them that there is nothing wrong with our house, perhaps the biggest lie yet. My lies even extend to the people that come door-to-door. Like the guy who is looking sketchy and looking for donations? Sorry, I donated online. Or the people who want to talk to me about my rental hot water tank so that they can save me LOTS of money? They get told that I don’t rent (actually, that one is the truth). It works really, really well. I still get the occasional call, but the numbers are way down, and there are no repeat callers.

This past Saturday afternoon I did get a call about a virus on my computer. I haven’t had one of these in a while, as the conversation in the past has gone something like this:

Scammer, on a line that is terrible quality, sounding very much like he is reading from a script, “We have received a message from your Windows PC that there is a problem/virus”

My response, said as convincingly as possible, “I don’t have a Windows PC”

Scammer… click

Saturday’s call was a little different, as the scammer told me that my computer had sent a message that there was a problem. Since he didn’t specify a Windows computer, I just said that I didn’t have a computer. There was a long pause, and I was about to hang up, when he said, “nothing? Not a laptop? A desktop?” he was clearly alarmed at this thought, and that amused me greatly, so I agreed that we had none of those. He sputtered for a few seconds longer before saying “get a laptop!!!” and hanging up. Somehow I don’t think he will be calling back again soon.