In my logical head I know that Goose is not allergic to peanuts or any nuts.  We had her tested a year ago.  My mom heart, on the other hand, is racing and anxious. I’m afraid that she will be allergic, despite the test results.  We’ve I’ve been putting this off for much longer than we I should have, but that ends today. Today we give her peanuts for the first time.  She’s almost two, the same age that Woo was when we gave him peanut butter.  He still remembers both the taste (loved) and the trip to emerg (also loved – by him).  We just remember the trip to emerg.

If Goose is allergic, we will deal with it, she’ll deal with it.  We can teach her how to be safe and not eat without checking, how to recognize the sign that says safe to eat, and question when it is not there.  She’d have her brother, who is a pro at this, to guide her.  I know she’ll be fine.  There will also be the hope, as there is in Woo’s case, that she will outgrow it.

Me?  I might not be as fine.  I tend to obsess out a little about our allergies and don’t deal with them as well as I should.  You would think that I would be better at this by now, with my own serious food allergies.  I am not.  Though getting better at it (I hope!), I still get freaked out when the food is out of our control.  Though I am aware that this is a problem and am trying to fix it, it’s hard.  The last thing I want is for my children to become stigmatized because of the allergies and how I react to them.

Woo is very excited to give his sister peanuts, asks all the time when we are going to give them to her.  I asked this morning and he told me that he wanted her to be allergic like him.  I don’t know if this is rooted in the fact that he doesn’t want her to have something that she can’t have, or if he wants her to be like him so he is not alone.  Either way, it’s sweet and sad.  Today, I hope my head is right, even if it disappoints a little boy.