Life in the hutch

May

I don’t wanna

I had this nagging little fear when we booked our trip home, a fear that it would disrupt the happy balance that we had finally achieved with the lils in India. It took them a long time to settle in, much longer than I thought it would at the outset, so it took Willy and me a long time to settle in. Mostly, they were homesick and resistant to so much that was new to them.

This has changed in the last two months or so, and we both feel that they are really happy. I no longer have Woo telling me, daily, that he wants to go home, nor do I have Goose declaring that she doesn’t like this or that, or pretty much everything new that we find in India. It’s been really nice. Then we came home for a visit.

Things have been so simple for the lils here. They’lI see their extended family and all of their friends. There have been long visits and extended play dates, with more to come. We are doing all of their favourite things, because it makes us all happy. They just picked up where they left off. They are content to play independently, given much more freedom, and they don’t fight. Not with each other, and not with their friends. We are four days into the visit and they are loving it.

They are loving it, until we talk about going back ‘home’ to India. ”I don’t like India”, says Goose. ”I’ll just stay here until you move back from India”, says Woo. It’s tough to hear. We know they are happy in India, but they are much happier here. I worry that we reset, and start from scratch when we return, but we’re better equipped to work through it.

I hope I am wrong about this. Today is dentist day. Maybe that will convince them that India is not so bad after all?!

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May

Best in class

Allow me a moment to indulge in some shameless bragging about my lils. Yes, I know that every parent knows that their child is the best and that is how it should be, but in this case, I have independent verification of the lils status. They are simply fabulous.

When Willy first started talking about going to Las Vegas at the end of April, we both realized that it was really close to our trip to Canada. So close that it would have meant he would have flown home to India and essentially hopped back on a plane two days later to return to North America. It would have been painful, and I could not ask him to try. I told him to go to the conference in Vegas, then hang around, work where work wanted him, and meet us at home when we got there. I told him this even though I knew it meant I would be home alone with the lils for two weeks, and that I would have to fly home alone with them when we returned to Canada.

As luck would have it, Goose came down with a cold the day that Willy left. This surprised me in no way, as the lils ALWAYS get sick when Willy goes away. When Woo started sniffling two days later, I was somewhat relieved, thinking they were getting it over with long before our flights. The sniffles persisted, and got slightly worse each day. Then two nights before we were due to leave Woo casually mentioned that he could not hear.

We headed off to the doctor, and were given Benadryl to help clear his congestion. When he still could not hear the morning of our flight, we headed back to the doc and learned that he had an ear infection. To this point I had been mildly worried about the almost thirty hour trip we were about to embark on, but this news ramped it up to plain scared. Two sick lils, one with an ear infection? I expected the worst.

The opposite happened. My best case scenario of having them maybe sleep on one of the flights, possibly fight just a little bit, and only have to repeat things two or three times completely underestimated how good they were. They listened, they had fun, slept a lot, got along perfectly and were really quiet. We had two minor meltdowns, one when Goose’s juice cup exploded all over her jammies and the other when Woo was being forced by the crowds down the ramp to customs in Ottawa.

I was pretty convinced that they were great at this point, but was a little tickled by the number of people who came up to us following both flights and complimented the lils on how well behaved they were. There was a steady stream of kudos coming from other passengers, and I got a wee bit prouder with each one! While I don’t ever plan on making such a long trip with them solo, I’d gladly do it after this experience!!

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May

Wordless Wednesday – excited and homeward bound

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May

Rules of engagement

We started when they were itty bitty. There were rules about when they went to the doctor, when they are supposed to sleep, when to wake them to feed them, how much to feed, what to feed them. We quickly tossed a bunch of those “rules” (hello, my doc told us to wake Woo to feed him every three hours! He was already gaining a pound a week, he was good). Out went the old, and we started a few of our own. Most of them were arbitrary and told in jest to infants that could not understand them.

As both lils got older, they did start to ask about things that are governed by rules; when you can drink, when can drive, when you are allowed to vote. We gave them the correct ages for all of these, and started making up a few of our own. Rules about how old you must be to ride your bike down the slide (eight), which is the highest stair that you can jump off of (the third), and when you can become a vegetarian (twelve). Lots of these values change to suit the situation that they arise from, and the lils like to review them regularly.

Moving to India has meant that there were a large number of new rules thrust upon the lils. They have adopted many of them, but still fight and question a few. We knew it was only a matter of time before the started coming up with their own rules. Surprisingly, it was Goose that came out with a rule for us all.

Each bedroom in our house has its own attached bath, and the lils love to use any toilet other their own when they need to go. This often means that they use each other’s. A few weeks ago Goose reached her breaking point and adamantly decreed that anyone who used her bathroom had to sit down. She was apparently tired of her brother messing up her toilet, and had figured out that this was the only solution. It’s worked too. Woo follows the rule, she is happy and we have peace again when it comes to the toilet. Well, we did have peace. Tonight Woo instituted his own rule… Everyone who uses his toilet has to stand when they pee.

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May

It all comes down to the thugs

One of the things that we were frequently reminded of as we prepared for our move to Bangalore, was that the city is often referred to as the “high-tech” capital of India. With knowledge in hand, we figured that we would be able sign up for high speed internet pretty easily, but this did not prove to be the case. There is one main provider that serves our community, and the top speed that they offer is 512kbps, which is v-e-r-y s-l-o-w, especially if you are trying to stream hockey games. We got hooked up, but started looking for other solutions. We found that our villa was in range for a second provider, who offers 2mbps, at roughly four times the cost of the slow connection. We asked to be hooked up, and three months later we were. It seemed lightning fast!

This spring brought the promise of a third provider, willing to come in to our community and offer fibre connections with speeds of up to 10mbps. They needed a minimum number of sign-ups, and once the threshold was met, they gave us a tentative connection date of May. We were the third people to sign up, and very much looking forward to the start date. As much as the connection we have is workable, we were actually still subscribing to both services. We needed this, as both were frequently down, and if Willy needed to be on a skype call, I need to move to the slower connection to leave him enough bandwidth.

The last few weeks have really opened my eyes as to how business, on some level, is conducted in India. It started with a posting on the internal message board:

“Community contact” wrote:

Dear Residents,
This is to inform you that Provider Three has pulled out from our community as of yesterday.

A couple of days ago their team was manhandled and threatened by some unknown persons near here while testing the cable. Yesterday our local cable T.V operator mystery fourth company (Manjunath & Jerry) met with me and informed me that – ONLY IF the residents of are willing to pay the rates (given in the attachment) to THEM will any other service provider be allowed to come into the community. The rates that they have offered are about 300% – 500% more than Provider Three’s rates.

… The truth of the matter is, the service offered by mystery fourth company is a monopoly, like the newspaper, the milk supply, etc and all these services are run by Manjunath who over charges us, huge rates on all services and is just not allowing any other service provider to come in………

This shocked both Willy and me. We had read in the history of the message board about one provider sabotaging another to get a leg up, or blocking cables from being run, but the physical violence was unexpected. We didn’t know what to expect.

Members of the community were up in arms. There was talk of boycotts, of arranging meetings, of engaging law enforcement. One suggestion that did get some support was to have all of those who had signed up for the service pay a united visit to the “broadband monopoly”. Further suggestions were that the owner of provider three should be informed, as he was “an old thug himself”, and would make “mincemeat of Manjunath and company” when he found out. As I read this, I pictured the fights that used to occur in the village where my cottage is located. There were two large families that accounted for a large portion of the village’s 1000 residents. When they disagreed (which happened pretty regularly, especially on a Saturday night after the bar closed), they would block the main street and fight it out with shovels, rocks, and sticks.

As it stands now, the community is trying to resolve this without resorting to violence, or encouraging violence by any party. Members of the community have stated that they are watching, and have discussed the problem outside of the message group and have considered “a number of actions”. It’s definitely a sobering view of the growth of certain segments of the economy here. I’m a little afraid to see where this goes next. Until then, I hope that at least one of my connections stays up.

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May

Wordless wednesday – market workers

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May

Curiosity and that cat

If there is a phrase that I have said at least once a day, every day since we have been here, it is “Don’t drink the water”. The tap water here is suspect at best, so we rely on a reverse osmosis purification system to ensure that there is safe water in the house. It does a great job when the power fluctuations don’t kill this part or the other, but there is only one tap in the house, so you have to get your drinking water from the kitchen. It’s been an adjustment from me, so I expect that it is for the lils too. We stay on top of it, and have been healthy and hydrated for the most part.

Over the last two weeks or so, I have noticed that Goose has been going out of her way to drink the water. Well, any water that she shouldn’t be drinking, that is. She drinks in the pool when we are swimming; she sucks it from her facecloth as I wash her face; she drinks it in the tub when the lils are bathing; she even sucks it out of her hair when it is wet. She is well hydrated, and often has water or juice close by when she is drinking the wrong liquid. It’s beginning to drive me a little crazy.

Things came to a head on Saturday, when she was constantly trying to drink the pool water, despite my removing her from the pool as punishment on several occasions. She continued that evening in the tub, until finally I gave her one final warning. When she drank again, I ended the tub fun and told her that she could not watch the drawing game, as has become our nightly ritual. The tears, promises and begging were epic, but I stuck to my ground and she went to bed with cuddles and a story, but missed out on the fun.

As we were lying in bed, I once again explained to her that drinking the water could make her very sick, especially since she is a little girl. I asked if she knew that it would give her an upset tummy, and what some of the consequences were. She said yes, so I asked why then. “I wanted to see if it would happen” she answered. I am so glad that we have raised our little girl to be curious, but she needs to know that the cat that this curiosity might kill is me.

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April

They’re super to me

There are many writers that I read who make use of writing prompts for their posts. For the most part they do this very well. The posts are thoughtful and heartfelt and always seem to match the theme perfectly. I am not one of those people. My few attempts to write according to a prompt have never felt natural, so they end up forever in the draft pile, wallowing in their contrivedness (yes I just made up a word).

This week, I was tagged by Nicki of The Perils of a Working Mom to come up with “7 SuperShots”, each of which had to match a category, I was intrigued. I post many pictures, and take many more, but I seldom take the time to talk about why a photo is meaningful to me. It’s something that I have been wanting to do more of, so this is a good place to start. My 7 SuperShots:

A photo that . . . takes my breath away.

I was fortunate enough to go to the Taj Mahal twice this past March. Once to experience it with Willy and the Lils, and once more to have the time to pay more attention and maybe take a few more photographs. This was taken just after sunrise on the second trip. I was the thir person to reach this spot, right after my friend Chris. We planned to be there at that magical moment when there was no one else there, and were lucky enough that the fellow that was there first let us get our shots too. It’s the entire experience of the Taj Mahal that takes my breath away. This photo is one key part of those experiences.

A photo that . . . makes me laugh or smile.

I have numerous photographs of the lils having fun, playing, growing and learning, but this is one that never fails to brighten my day. It was Goose’s first ever time on the merry-go-round, and there were only child sized seats on this ride. She was nervous, so Woo was quick to jump up with her and throw his arm around her shoulders. It was a gesture that said “I’ve got you, sis”. She was fine after this.

A photo that . . . makes me dream.

I remember when I was a child, and play was just play. We were fearless and focussed on having fun. All to often I see that is missing from the lives of young people. I want to make sure that my lils play for the sake of play, and and do silly things like wrapping themselves around a tree like a rope. This picture shows them doing that with some new friends. It makes me dream of my childhood, and for what they can make of theirs.

A photo that . . . makes me think.

One of the things that has troubled us all since arriving in India is the garbage that is everywhere. It’s on the street, in the parks, in the water. This is a little lake in one of out favourite gardens. It is actually one of few public spaces that we visit where rubbish bins are obvious and plentiful, but still we see this on the shores of the lake. I think about how this came to be such a colossal problem, how it can change, and what I can do to help change it, but mostly I think about how sad it is.

A photo that . . . makes my mouth water.

It’s fresh and plentiful, and the a good chunk of the basis for some of my favourite gravies here. I love going to the local markets in Bangalore. The sights, the smells, the sounds… They are packed and chaotic and full of great things, like these chilies, tomatoes and the garlic. And so much more.

A photo that . . . tells a story.

It tells the story to me. They are little, nervous, anxious and excited. It’s the first day that either of them has ever gone to school, and they are in it together. When every one of them isn’t sure, they grab each other’s hand and forge ahead together. I love that they support each other, and that they find comfort in one another.

A photo that . . . I am am most proud of (aka my National Geographic Worth Shot)

I don’t in any way feel that this is worthy of National Geographic, but I am really, really pleased with the shot. It was taken in the main city market, amid all the noise and frenzy. This woman was sitting on the ground stringing together one of the long garlands of flowers when a beam of sunlight fell upon her through one of the cracks in the roof. She just sat there, drinking it in, lost in the serenity of the moment, oblivious to everything. When it passed, she just resumed her work. I walked away, but I still think of her, and how peaceful she was.

I think that I am supposed to tag people now to carry this on. I’ll get on that ASAP.

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April

Blank

India requires that you fill out an immigration form and be processed by an immigration officer prior to leaving in the country. I recently travelled alone to Singapore, so I had to fill out the form and do this by myself. Although I have done solo cross border travel a number of times, I was a little nervous. This was my first time leaving India on my own, and I don’t know the system, or what the “right” answers are. Filling out the form just might have included a text or two to Willy.

Little did I know that it was one of the questions that I was confident in the answer that would trip me up. The question asked my occupation. I left it blank, as that is the most appropriate answer. The two immigration officers we incredulous, asking “what do you mean you don’t have a job? You must work!” Had the form asked what my profession or title was, I would have gladly responded with Victim Advocate, but it asked what my current occupation was. After explaining several times that I was not currently employed, and having them finally agree that leaving the response blank was the appropriate action, I was let through. I was a little surprised that they were not prepared for the fact that I was not employed, but I was through. The rest of my weekend was fabulous, I had so much fun in Singapore.

My return to Bangalore left me in a funk that has lasted all week. I first thought it was just the shock of the going from neat and orderly Singapore to life in Bangalore that is nowhere near neat or orderly. I’ve slowly come to realize that it’s not that at all. It’s that damn blank.

I have been on an unpaid leave for the duration of my stay in India. The understanding when I left was that my job would be mine if I wanted it upon my return. I agreed to this, with the caveat that I would not force my agency to let my replacement go if she was as great a fit for the position as I thought she would be. Sadly, changes to the way that the agency is funded* meant that my replacement was laid off a couple of weeks ago. If there is no job for her, there is no job for me. I knew this and was upset by it, but it really hit me this week. That blank just made it real.