Silence

In the past, every time my voice got really scratchy or husky from a cold, I would say that I had lost my voice. I truly thought that this was what laryngitis was; it hurt to talk at these times, so I didn’t talk. That seemed to fit the bill, so I rolled with it. This week, I have truly learned what laryngitis is.

I have not had any voice at all since late Wednesday of last week. Every time I try to talk above a whisper, it is not words that come out of my mouth, but an assortment of squeaks and squawks that generally make my children ask that I “just whisper, please”. It’s been completely frustrating for me, my family, and all of those that I have needed to interact with over the course of the week. I’ve also learned a few things along the way.

    - I am the loud one in the house. For the last week, all of our meals have been really silent and civilized. I wish I could say they it is because the family is giving me a chance to be heard, but it isn’t. I haven’t been talking at all, and the conversations that they have are quiet. I thought that I was loud to make myself heard, but in fact, they are making themselves heard, apparently.

    - I am terrible at charades. Minimizing the words that I use and relying on gestures is just not working out for me. Case in point, at dinner tonight, I tried to motion that I was going to the washroom. Willy thought that I needed him to come with me to the washroom. Why, I am still not quite sure, but I did eventually manage to convey that I was ok going pee by myself.

    - If the lils don’t like what I am telling them, they just walk far enough so that they don’t hear me anymore. Goose is most likely to pull this move.

    - People give you really funny looks if all that you do is whisper at them. This is especially true in instances where exchanges are supposed to be brief, like bumping in to someone in the grocery store. I whisper that I am sorry, catch the look and then get caught, torn between trying to explain the lack of voice or walking on, wait too long to explain, more strange looks, explain, more strange looks…

    - I need to brush my teeth all the time. If the best that I can do is a whisper, I am getting really close to people’s ears all the time. Really close to their ears? Their noses.

    - The lils do not have any issues with their hearing at this time. They can hear me whisper for them when they are not in the same room as me, and will answer me the first time that I speak to them, because they know that mama is sick and it hurts to talk. So now I just need to figure out how to make them think that I have laryngitis for the next twenty years.

This is really not something that I want to see continue, so I have been speaking less and less each day, going to bed each night thinking “maybe tomorrow I will talk again”. I admit, it has been fun to get lost in my thoughts, to be taken care of by the family, and to sit in comfortable silence where I am never the one to feel compelled to break it, but I miss our chatter-filled walks to school, getting to ask a million questions about how everyone`s day was, reading stories at bedtime, and just talking to people. I really hope tomorrow is the day.

Category: life | 1 comment

  • Cindy W says:

    I really hope tomorrow’s the day too. I want a conversation with you at dinner! I hope you wake up with a voice! xox


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